


You Shouldn't Have

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, In other words I'm evil and cried as I wrote this good luck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-08 00:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1919259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You shouldn't have stared at the pale, blue eyed boy. You shouldn't have stayed to comfort him, when you found out what was wrong. You shouldn't have cried when he was gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Shouldn't Have

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SO SORRY I CRIED AS I WAS WRITING THIS AND I DON'T KNOW WHY IM GOING TO SPREAD THE PAIN BUT ENJOY

You shouldn't have stared at the pale, blue eyed boy.  
You shouldn't have tried to talk after having a tooth removed.  
You shouldn't have told him he was cute, or something sounding like this, while still heavily sedated.  
You shouldn't have frantically made your mother get you out of the hospital, only to decide that maybe they're not so bad.  
You shouldn't have followed the blue eyed boy, giggling as he walked.  
You shouldn't have stayed with the blue eyed boy after the drugs wore off.  
You shouldn't have stayed to comfort him, once you found out what was wrong.  
You shouldn't have tried to fight back when a nurse dragged you out, as his body seized up and the monitors started beeping.  
You shouldn't have felt like you knew him for years, when it was only a few days.  
You shouldn't have tears streaming down your face when he asked for the green eyed boy he didn't even know the name of.  
You shouldn't have told him you were taking him on a date when he was out.  
You shouldn't have made a fool of yourself, dreaming of blue eyes and messy hair for three months.  
You shouldn't have held his hand gently as he stood up for the first time in months without help from his mother.  
You shouldn't have felt pain from letting that hand go.  
You shouldn't have taken him to the park in a wheelchair, without first finding out where the paths were, so you didn't get stuck three times.  
You shouldn't have stopped walking because you sensed something was wrong.  
You shouldn't have held him as he cried, saying he was a waste of time.  
You shouldn't have kissed his lips for the first time, whispering how perfect he was in every way possible.  
You shouldn't have taken him to your house and lifted him into the bed.  
You shouldn't have asked him if you could touch.  
You shouldn't have kissed him and rubbed against him.  
You shouldn't have held him in your hand.  
You shouldn't have stroked him until he arched off the bed, whimpering your name.  
You shouldn't have let him do the same to you.  
You shouldn't have taken him back to the hospital.  
You shouldn't have been surprised when his condition got worse.  
You shouldn't have cried when he said he was dying.  
You shouldn't have taken him out twice a week to see the park, then waited until dark to watch the stars.  
You shouldn't have broken down when he stopped being able to come outside.  
You shouldn't have held his hand as he just looked at you, studying every feature and saving it in his slowly crumbling memories.  
You shouldn't have laid in his hospital bed with him every day and night, even skipping school to do so.  
You shouldn't have told him you were sorry, and that you needed to know.  
You shouldn't have asked if he loved you.  
You shouldn't have cried when he asked who you were, and his body seized up.  
You shouldn't have watched as he was brought back to life by frantic nurses.  
You shouldn't have stayed awake seventy two hours, while he had surgery.  
You shouldn't have stayed another few days until he woke up.  
You shouldn't have told him you loved him the minute he awoke.  
You shouldn't have burst into tears when he said the same.  
You shouldn't have told him to let go if he needed to.  
You shouldn't have lied, telling him you would be ok.  
You shouldn't have cried for two days straight when he said he would watch over you as an angel.  
You shouldn't have been there when it happened.  
You shouldn't have kissed him and pulled back, just for him to say your name quietly.  
You shouldn't have been dragged away by the nurses.  
You shouldn't have been pulled back in by his parents.  
You shouldn't have held his hands as you shared your last kiss, telling him everything would be ok.  
You shouldn't have told him you loved him over and over, just like his parents.  
You shouldn't have screamed his name when his eyes went glassy and the monitors flat lined.  
You shouldn't have cried for a week, staying out of school with "the flu".  
You shouldn't have stood at his funeral, whispering into a microphone about how sorry you were that you were crying.  
You shouldn't have said it was unfair, how young he was.  
You shouldn't have leaned in and kissed the coffin, then started to sob beside it as then lowered it into the ground.  
You shouldn't have stood with his parents, crying just as much as they did.  
You shouldn't have been angered by the coming of summer.  
You shouldn't have screamed at your mother when she tried to tell you it was time to move on.  
You shouldn't have spent every day of summer sitting at his grave, talking to him and spending your allowance on new flowers every three days.  
You shouldn't have looked up in the oak tree above where he was buried and thought of him sitting on the branch above you, angel wings fluttering against his bare back.  
You shouldn't have cried with a tired smile on your face.  
You shouldn't have been prescribed depression medicine.  
You shouldn't have started to take them, because you didn't want to numb the feelings.  
You shouldn't have cried about how it was numbing the bad memories, as well as the good.  
You shouldn't have thought of joining him.  
You shouldn't have cried on the anniversary of that day.  
You shouldn't have compared it to the pain your mother must have felt after losing your father, when your mother was right beside you.  
You shouldn't have lived the rest of your life, dreaming of blue eyes, and knowing you lost the only love you would ever find. You shouldn't have.  
And yet, you did; and you think those were the best decisions of your life.


End file.
